i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
