I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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