All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
