Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I should be sponsored by Trojan
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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