I want to make a zoo with you.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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