It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
