Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize