Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
