July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
