the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When did angry sex become our thing?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
