I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She is in my trunk
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
