Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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