we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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