but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
