a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
