the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
