Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
