I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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