I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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