Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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