We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
