addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
