The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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