What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
