That's intense
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
