My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
