The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
