Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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