smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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