thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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