i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
