I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
