..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
