dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
