I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
