the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
