He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
