Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I yelled at your uterus for you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
