I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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