Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
