I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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