Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
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I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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