Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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