omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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