I wish I could punch you in the face.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
