i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
