just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
