my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
