What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
