His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
