it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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