Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
