So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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