Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I understand Curling. That high.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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