true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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