We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
