would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
