Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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