My friends, they love my intelligence
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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