the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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