youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
