it hurts more in the daytime
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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