you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
