Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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